Why People Criticize Others in Their Absence

Imagine a world where everyone was self-aware and did not criticize others behind their backs. This is the kind of ideal scenario we often strive for, yet it remains a distant dream. Human beings are complex creatures with multifaceted personalities and inner turmoils. We cannot change others, only ourselves. Yet, instead of addressing our own shortcomings, we often criticize others to manipulate or impart preconceived notions of perfection.

Lack of Self-Awareness

The root of this behavior lies in our inherent lack of self-awareness. When we criticize others, it is an indirect way of expressing our dissatisfaction with ourselves. Often, people who criticize others do so because they are living their lives in duality. According to the principles of advaita (non-duality), we should focus on our inner being or soul, which is peaceful, eternal, and unchanging. Instead, people are more interested in monitoring their external behaviors, leading to constant judgment and criticism.

Manipulation and Pride

Another common reason for criticism is manipulation and pride. We humans are preoccupied with maintaining our ego and defying our mistakes. On one hand, we want to be right at all times; on the other hand, we are not motivated to change ourselves. Therefore, we find it easier to blame others rather than acknowledging and correcting our own flaws. This ego-driven behavior can lead to a cycle of criticism, where we repeatedly point out the shortcomings of others to maintain our own self-perception.

The Mirror of Self-Reflection

The sad reality is that most of us only look at ourselves in the mirror once a day, and that too, just to get ready to face the world. For the rest of the day, our gaze is continuously fixed on others. We create a set of rules and values that serve as our reference frame for judgment. If others fit into this frame, we accept them; if not, we discard them. People who criticize others usually believe that their reference frame is the ultimate standard, which should be followed by everyone.

Understanding Perception and Judgment

Our tendency to criticize is deeply rooted in our perception of the world. What we think about others often reflects what we think about ourselves. Criticism is a subtle form of self-recognition, where we highlight our own negative traits by pointing out the faults in others. Therefore, unless we address our own shortcomings first, we will continue to engage in this unproductive cycle of judgment and criticism.

To truly break free from this cycle, we must first learn to abide in our inner soul or true self. Through practices such as meditation and self-reflection, we can detach ourselves from our ego and external judgments. Once we understand and embrace our non-dual reality, the need for criticism will diminish, and we can truly live in harmony with ourselves and others.

Therefore, the answer to why people criticize others in their absence is simple: it is easier to judge than to face ourselves. By acknowledging and working on our own shortcomings, we can pave the way for a more peaceful and understanding world.