Why Do Narcissists Treat Waitstaff and Salespeople So Terribly?

When a person interacts with a service provider such as a waiter, waitress, or salesperson, they often expect to be treated with respect and dignity. However, some individuals, particularly those with narcissistic personality disorder, often treat these service providers in a terrible manner. This behavior is not only unethical but can also be a red flag for underlying issues.

Understanding the Behavior

Narcissists thrive on a sense of power and control. In the service industry, they may exploit their position to showcase their dominance and superiority. This behavior is often an attempt to draw attention to themselves, which is a core component of their personality disorder. By publicly humiliating someone who cannot fight back, they reaffirm their own belief in their superiority and elevate themselves at the expense of others.

Types of Narcissists

Not all narcissists behave the same way. Some, like the individual you might describe, treat waitstaff and salespeople with respect. In such cases, they may see these individuals as professionals performing their duties and not as a means to exhibit their own superiority. They recognize that these workers are people with aspirations and personal lives, despite their low pay and demanding nature of their roles.

The Grandstanding Aspect

Narcissists often use public settings to grandstand, displaying their authoritarian and domineering nature. When faced with service staff, they may draw attention to themselves by making insults or criticisms, seeking approval and admiration from onlookers. This behavior is driven by their need for attention and validation, which they often crave.

Implications and Personal Examples

The treatment of waitstaff and salespeople by narcissists can have severe implications. For instance, they may believe that waitstaff and salespeople are of a lower social class or have lower aspirations. This idea is often a result of their own insecurities and need to elevate themselves by seeing others as less capable or successful.

Excused Behavior and Underlying Insecurities

By treating staff poorly, narcissists show their true nature. They may use such behavior as a way to reinforce their belief that they are superior to everyone else. The public nature of such actions allows them to broadcast their superiority to others. Additionally, their actions often stem from underlying insecurities and a need to establish dominance over those they perceive as inferior.

A Personal Example

Consider a situation where a friend invites you to a meal, and their wealthy acquaintance, who may be a narcissist, is part of the group. During the meal, an Indian waiter is trying to manage the group's constantly changing orders. The group's reluctance and confusion lead to increasing frustration from the host. Instead of addressing the group's issues, the narcissist turns their anger inward and tears into the waiter, revealing their own spoiled brat mentality. This behavior is a clear signal of their hidden insecurities and need for attention.

In such a scenario, the narcissist's target often becomes the weakest link. They may target waitstaff because they are the most vulnerable and unable to retaliate, ensuring their comments and actions cause the most damage. This behavior is a form of public grandstanding that aims to assert dominance and draw unwanted attention.

While not all narcissists exhibit this behavior, those who do often display a clear disregard for the dignity and importance of the people they serve. Recognizing the signs and understanding the reasons behind such behavior is crucial for maintaining respect and dignity in professional settings.