Understanding BPD and Singlehood

Living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) presents a unique set of challenges, particularly when it comes to relationships. Many individuals with BPD experience prolonged periods of being single, often out of necessity rather than choice. This article explores the reality of staying single for long periods, the reasons behind this, and the impact it has on individuals.

Exploring Long-Term Singlehood

The journey of someone with BPD in a single state can be quite varied. Some may go years without a romantic interest, while others might have fleeting crushes without any meaningful relationships. For example, in the experience shared by a fellow BPD individual, they have not had a crush on anyone in six years and have not dated anyone in about ten years. This stark contrast with their friend, who has had multiple crushes but no lasting relationships, highlights the wide spectrum of experiences within the BPD community.

The Reasons Behind Prolonged Singlehood

For many individuals with BPD, the decision to stay single is not necessarily a matter of rejection or preference but rather a survival mechanism. The inherent emotional volatility of BPD often complicates romantic relationships, leading to frequent breakups and unhealthily volatile interactions. As one person shares, 'Relationships just don’t work for me. Adds to my instability. It has helped not having these extra complications.' This statement underscores the practical and emotional benefits of remaining single for some BPD individuals.

Further, the social difficulties associated with BPD can contribute to a sense of isolation. 'After decades of rejection and being totally misunderstood, some of us give up on happily ever after and having a social life. As much as we hate being alone, this is preferable to making others as miserable as we are. It's not so bad. We only have ourselves to battle.' This experience is common among many BPD individuals who find solace in the simplicity of not having to navigate the complexities of romantic relationships.

Personal Experiences and Insights

Many individuals with BPD have found that their relationships were so turbulent that they eventually gave up on trying. 'I've been single for over six years. At some point, I realized I was incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship and just stopped trying. Now I'm realizing why my relationships were so volatile and why they were so painful for me at times.' This realization often leads to a healthier and more stable approach to life, albeit one that may feel lonely at times. However, as the individual notes, 'Now, I sabotage myself too.' This self-sabotage can be a tricky part of living with BPD, as one may want to avoid pain but find themselves drawn back into destructive patterns without even realizing it.

It’s important to note that the emotional turmoil of BPD can be compounded by external factors such as asexuality and impulsivity. 'My asexuality may come into play for my lack of relationships—no one wants to be with a crazy chick who won't even put out, I guess. But my impulsivity and troubling relationship patterns persist outside of romantic affairs.' This underscores the multifaceted nature of BPD and how it can impact various aspects of an individual's life.

The Dream of a Knight in Armor

For many BPD individuals, the fantasy of meeting a 'knight in shining armor' who can take their pain away is a prevalent theme. 'Borderlines live in a fantasy that they will meet a knight in shining armor who will take their pain away. If you are not looking for such a person, you are an exception to what my research has shown.' This longing for a savior often stems from a deep-seated need for validation and acceptance, creating a barrier to genuine, long-term relationships.

Conclusion

Whether to stay single for long periods is a deeply personal decision influenced by a variety of factors. While some individuals with BPD find a sense of peace and stability in remaining single, others may struggle with feelings of isolation and longing. It's important for individuals with BPD to understand the unique challenges they face and to seek support from professionals and supportive communities to navigate these complexities.

For those considering a single lifestyle, it's crucial to prioritize self-care and self-awareness. With the right support and understanding, individuals with BPD can thrive in their own unique ways, finding happiness and fulfillment on their own terms.