How Unconscious Expectations Sabotage Our Happiness

In our quest for contentment and joy, we often set high, often unattainable expectations. These expectations can be lethal to our happiness, but not all expectations are created equal. This article explores how unconscious expectations can poison our lives and what we can do to reclaim our joy and satisfaction.

Unconscious Expectations and Their Impact

The title of this piece, 'How do expectations kill our happiness or joy?,' might surprise some. It’s important to distinguish between conscious and unconscious expectations. Unconscious expectations, the ones that are deeply ingrained but often go unnoticed, are the real culprits when it comes to diminishing our happiness and joy. It is living our lives in an unconscious way that can rob us of the joy and satisfaction we seek.

These expectations often arise from societal pressures, personal beliefs, or past experiences that we unconsciously internalize. They can create a constant feeling of incompleteness and dissatisfaction. No matter how much we achieve, the feeling of dissatisfaction often persists because these expectations are inherently unmet. This cycle can be destructive, leading to a constant sense of disappointment and a relentless pursuit of what we believe we should be or have, but never truly achieving it.

The Roots of Unconscious Expectations

Unconscious expectations stem from a variety of sources. They can come from the standards set by society, the expectations of others, or personal beliefs that we never fully question. These expectations can be so deeply ingrained that we often blame others for our unhappiness rather than taking a look at the root cause—ourselves.

Our behavior towards others is often a reflection of these internalized expectations. When someone fails to meet our high standards, we might criticize them and talk ill of them. The blame game becomes a mechanism for relieving our own dissatisfaction. This behavior is not only harmful to others but also reinforces the idea that we are the center of our own reality, creating a void within us that we then try to fill by seeking validation from others. It’s a cycle that perpetuates unhappiness and makes it difficult to find true joy.

A Conscious Approach to Expectations

Conscious expectations, on the other hand, do not lead to the same kind of dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Conscious expectations are those that we set for ourselves with awareness and realism. They are goals that we can actually achieve and maintain, goals that are in line with our values and beliefs. Instead of setting unattainable goals for others, we should focus on our own growth and well-being.

A key element in maintaining conscious expectations is self-care. Taking care of ourselves before we can serve others is crucial. Our bodies and minds are the mechanisms that enable us to do so. If we neglect our physical and mental health, we cannot function at our best. This is similar to driving a car to work—if our car is not properly maintained, it cannot take us to where we need to go.

Practical Steps to Low Expectations

To incorporate low expectations into our lives can be challenging. Sometimes, the fear of lowering expectations can lead to even lower outcomes. It’s important to carefully consider the possible outcomes of situations and set expectations that are both realistic and conducive to our well-being.

For instance, in any situation, whether personal or professional, it is advisable to go into it with low and realistic expectations. This can lead to a sense of satisfaction and joy when the outcome exceeds our expectations. However, it’s also important to be cautious of situations where reality falls even lower than our low expectations. This can be demotivating and further lead to a disconnection with our own emotional needs.

As an example, I’ve always believed in the power of low expectations for happiness. Setting unrealistically high expectations can lead to disappointment, which is a form of unhappiness. Conversely, having very low expectations can lead to a sense of contentment and satisfaction, as the reality often exceeds our lower expectations, which is a form of happiness.

Practicing this approach on a day-to-day basis involves considering the various outcomes of different situations and setting our expectations accordingly. It’s a strategy that requires mindfulness and a willingness to adapt, but the rewards are significant in terms of our overall happiness and well-being.

In conclusion, while expectations can be powerful motivators, it is important to maintain a balance. Unconscious expectations can sabotage our happiness and joy, while conscious expectations are tools for personal growth and satisfaction. By practicing self-care and setting realistic goals, we can take the first step towards a happier and more fulfilling life.